Grief –11 Years

Doing cleaning. I found this. I wrote it for our 11th anniversary. We got to 12 of marriage, 13 of being together.  It broke my heart again and stopped me in my tracks.

Eleven years
Built on laughter
Playing tag in malls
Long walks and late night talks
Waking you up to scrambled eggs
Waking up to you, coffee maker in hand,
Standing outside my window

Or you and I riding the train
Trekking in pouring rain
To unbox love
For those in downtown streets
Only to find our own
Unboxed laying open
For all but us to see
Until below a green hill
We speak the words
And know it will last

Cortes searched Florida swamps
And desert walks for a fountain of youth
Not knowing it is the sound of your laughter
The light in your eyes

So many times you were the wind
That buoyed me
Your arms the safe overhanging shelter
From late summer storms

I have learned more from your bright eyes
Which look through the surface appearance
To the shining beauty in each soul you meet
Than textbooks piled as high as the sky

I find strength in the comfort of being held by your hand
When my heart shakes like the slip of tech tonic plates
Far beneath Santa Monica’s gleaming sands
When my legs give way from heartache
Failure and I disbelieve
Your love gives me space on which to stand
So solid it is my own La Crescenta hillside

Where would I ever be without you?
The thought alone of losing you
Whether in sudden tsunami wave
Or inch by inch like Carolina barrier islands
Before rising waters of Pamlico Sound
Is blacker than a million midnights
Colder than Antarctic beach

But in this moment I choose you
Choose you again though summer thunder cracks
Though oceans roar and foam
Tomorrow is uncertain
As passing sand

Yet today we have each other
And so I cling
To you, warm in embrace,
To this moment with all my will
To the joy and laughter we share
For this moment is ours
And I ever am yours


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