Daily Reflection — Burning Loss

fireThis is another poem of Rumi’s that speaks to my experience of grief.  If you are grieving, perhaps you too can find yourself in this:

“how long
can i lament
with this depressed
heart and soul

“how long
can i remain
a sad autumn
ever since my grief
has shed my leaves

“the entire space
of my soul
is burning in agony

“how long can i
hide the flames
wanting to rise
out of this fire

“how long can one suffer
the pain of hatred
of another human
a friend behaving like an enemy

grief“with a broken heart
how much more
can i take the message
from body to soul

“i believe in love
i swear by love
believe me my love

“how long
like a prisoner of grief
can i beg for mercy

“you know i’m not
a piece of rock or steel
but hearing my story
even water will become
as tense as a stone

“if i can only recount
the story of my life
right out of my body
flames will grow

rocking and rolling
what have you been drinking
please let me know

“you must be drunk
going house to house
wandering from street to street

“who have you been with
who have you kissed
who’s face have you been fondling

“you are my soul
you are my life
i swear my life and love is yours

tree-of-life-river-of-life-05-08“so tell me the truth
where is that fountainhead
the one you’ve been drinking from

“don’t hide this secret
lead me to the source
fill my jug over and over again

“last night i finally caught
your attention in the crowd
it was your image filling my dream

“telling me to stop this wandering
stop this search for
good and evil

“i said my dear prophet
give me some of
that you’ve drunk for ecstasy of life

“if i let you drink you said
any of this burning flame
it will scorch your mouth and throat

sweet tea“your portion has been
given already by heaven
ask for more at your peril

“i lamented and begged
i desire much more
please show me the source

“i have no fear
to burn my mouth and throat
i’m ready to drink every flame and more

“show me your face
i crave
flowers and gardens
open your lips
i crave
the taste of honey
come out from
behind the clouds
storm cloudi desire a sunny face
your voice echoed
saying “leave me alone”
i wish to hear your voice
again saying “leave me alone”
i swear this city without you
is a prison
i am dying to get out
to roam in deserts and mountains
i am tired of
flimsy friends and
submissive companions
helping hands 3i die to walk with the brave
am blue hearing
nagging voices and meek cries
i desire loud music
drunken parties and
wild dance
one hand holding
a cup of wine
one hand caressing your hair
then dancing in orbital circle
that is what i yearn for
i can sing better than any nightingale
but because of
this city’s freaks
i seal my lips
while my heart weeps
yesterday the wisest man
holding a lit lantern
in daylight
was searching around town saying
i am tired of
all these beasts and brutes
i seek
a true human
we have all looked
for one but
no one could be found
they said
yes he replied
but my search is
for the one
who cannot be found”

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One thought on “Daily Reflection — Burning Loss

  1. breezyzmoon says:

    That poem really hit home, I felt something like that (though not as desperate and complete as I would have in the loss due to death) when I moved up here to MI I was so lost and alone without Cyn, I can’t even begin to imagine the immeasurable pain you must be going through. I love you lil brother hang in there.

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